Persian Dad + American Mom

What is a cemetery?

2006-01-07T22:55:00.000-08:00

So, my son and I are going to visit a Persian friend and his family this afternoon.
We pass this cemetery and I want to have a worthy educational moment!
I turn to Xander who is all but consumed by the video game he is playing on my cell phone.

"Do you know what this place is?" I ask. "It's a cemetery. They bury dead people in the ground here."
"Yeah, I know dad." He says without raising his head or missing a click of his gaming experience.

I'm starting to think "oh! he knows." not remembering all the Halloween stories he has been read to or read himself.

He interrupts my thought. "And it's a popular place, the cemetery, you know!"
"Really? How so?!" I exclaim curiously.

"People are dying to get in this place!" he says!

I'm blown away!

Then I remembered that an Arthur story book I had read him the previous week had the characters walking through a cemetery on Halloween night and say the funny remark. His memory continues to amaze me!

Bottling up some sweetness!

2005-12-17T02:35:00.000-08:00

Everyone who has kids knows that they grow up and slip away entirely too fast! Enjoy it while it lasts and all that stuff!

But seriously, aren't we so lucky to live in an era that affords us such wonderful tools and technologies to virtually "bottle up" some of your 6 year-old boy's sweetness to be tasted again later (who knows when!)

I can't imagine how our ancestors could stand and tolerate loving a little girl or boy so much and not being able to look at their beautiful and innocent smiles 15 or 20 years later and refresh some memories. But I guess if you don't know what you're missing, well..., you don't miss it!

That's why I have been photographing and videotaping my son almost religiously and daily. I already have thousands of images and over 100 video tapes!! I have 2 regrets though. One is that all the times I was attending to the camera(s), I missed some sweet living! And the second regret is that most likely I can't be there watching them with him in 50 years! :(

How do you get them to speak Persian?

2005-12-17T02:19:00.000-08:00

Our son turned 6 early this month and continues to amaze and please us with his quick wit and a steel trap of a mind.

He is such a fast learner of everything. He has several classmates of Hispanic origin and shows a lot of interest in learning Spanish from them and always utters Spanish words and sentences at home! But I can't get him to speak Persian (Farsi)! :(
I try to speak Persian to him most of the time but I find myself being lazy and switching back to the ease and comfort of English with him!

The kid shows interest and even gets excited to write Persian script. He still understands almost everything I say in Persian. Persian classes are offered in the area but I am waiting to enroll him during the summer.

I know it's mostly my fault but I need guidence!
Could someone help us with some tips on getting him back on track?

Little boys and dolls?!

2005-06-27T22:40:00.000-07:00

Should a parent be concerned if a child doesn't follow the traditional gender roles in his (or her) routine games, toy selection, etc? For example, what if a little boy suddenly shows interest in Barbie dolls?! My boy who will be 6 years old in December, shows (an ocasional) interest in Barbie dolls, hair styling and polishing his Mom's toe nails, for example. I haven't seen this very often but enough for me to quiz his mother (while trying to be politically correct and loving)! Her answer, of course, is to chill and remember that he is only a 5 and a half year old child!

I found this good piece of advice on Parents.com. We would appreciate your comments and suggestions.

Mom, you're a genius!

2005-04-28T17:55:00.000-07:00

When her kids were young, my sister told me that she believed it was important to answer the questions they asked – not that they be dead-on correct at their young age but that they understand that when they ask questions, they will be answered.

So I try.

Yesterday I got stumped when I was asked “Does God pee in the clouds?”

Sometimes it’s not questions but how Xander's mind puts things together that blows me away.

For example, a recent connection that Xander made has to do with Jimmy Neutron, a cartoon “boy genius” on Nickelodeon. Jimmy has a large head which my son equates with the genius part. Yesterday my son told me I was a genius as I had just responded to one of the 5,742 questions he had asked in the two hours that he had been awake.

Then Xander got that surprised “I figured it out” look on his face.

“That explains it, mom!” he yelled with a huge smile. “It’s because you’re a genius! That explains why you’re so big! Instead of being all in your head, your brain is all over your body which is why you’re so big!”

Of course, I am “big” to him heightwise but I also carry extra poundage around my hips and waist. But never again will I have to wonder why I’m so big – because now I know why, because I’m a genius!

So please remember that the next time you see a big person (or if you are one yourself), maybe it’s that genius brain spread out all over the body!!

My 5-year-old wants to know...

2005-01-13T17:23:00.000-08:00

We had an interesting experience last night. It was after 9PM and we had already put the Tasmanian Devil in bed. But as usual, he ran out of his room several times, dragging his favorite stuffed animal Goober and we kept herding him back to bed.

We were watching a new episode of Law & Order, which is one of our favorites and not something we let him watch! So, during the last scene of this episode, the district attorney has a meeting with the assistant DA to tell her that she is fired! She is not happy and responds "Are you firing me because I'm a lesbian?" (we had no idea that the character was a lesbian, by the way!) Right as she was asking that question, Xander and Goober run out of his room and into the living room. You guessed it; he heard the word LESBIAN! I immediately noticed a slight pause and a question mark on his face!

Before I had a chance to process that hunch and look over at Susan to see her reaction, he says "What is a lesbian?"

His mother and I looked at each other with our jaws about 2 inches away from the floor. I didn't have a ready answer and neither did Susan! So, she just changed the subject and we never heard back until he finally went to sleep.

We're certain the question has not gone away. It's just been filed temporarily to come back and hit us again when we least expect it. We have to come up with an answer!

What a joy it is to bring up a child in the age of Satellite TV, the Internet and DVD! You have all the amenities of this age, but then you have to be able to answer a 5-year-old's questions about the kind of things that 20 years ago wouldn't have crossed your child's path until he was a freshman in college !

Getting the kid to talk a foreign language remains an uphill battle!

2004-12-22T18:52:00.000-08:00

We've been on the Iranian satellite bandwagon for a while!

We had our International satellite receiver and dish installed a few days after my last post. For the reader who doesn't have the time or patience to read through this post, let me first give you my general impression and a bottom line opinion. So far I'm not very impressed! I'll give you more details on what I think of this Persian satellite thing in a separate post, but first let me follow-up the previous post and talk about whether or not I think it is of any use in getting your kid to yack the old tongue!

Although there is some children's programming (including dubbed and original Persian language cartoons), the options are limited for kids. We ran across a couple of cute cartoons on IRIB, which is Islamic Republic's state-owned broadcasting. This is the same stuff they show to kids in Iran. I think it's very good. It bores me to death, but it's actually clean, fun entertainment for kids. And I wish my kid would sit down and watch it!

Even with the mostly acceptable children's programs (like IRIB's), the problem is part timing and part sizzle (or lack thereof!) The timing problem has to be common to anyone who lives in the Americas (U.S., Canada and South American countries). For instance, our 5-year-old boy has a limited window of time between his arrival from daycare and his end-of-day and bed time routines. So, unless we tape and replay the programs, it is not possible to watch them with any regularity.

Lack of sizzle (read entertainment value) is another issue for us Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network stricken parents! Try getting a Yu-Gi-Oh or Danny Phantom fan to watch a cuddly family of bears laughing their way through a forest while chattering in Persian! I have tried; to no avail!

The good news is that I am not about to give up. This is important to me. It is important that when he is old enough to realize the value of knowing another language, my son will know that I didn't take the easy road and did not spare any efforts to give him the basic ability to learn his ancestors history and culture; the ability to speak and understand more than one language!

I give up! Give me Persian Satellite!

2004-11-17T10:58:00.000-08:00

I finally gave up and joined many of my Iranian friends and relatives who have installed and watch Persian language TV programming via satellite!

I say gave up because it has been a deliberate and intentional resistance on my part to jump on the Mahvareh (satellite) bandwagon! Although I don't agree, or disagree and just basically don't get worked up about their colorful politics, I don't agree with the often bizzare and twisted games these outlets play with their audience! And the quality of their programming leaves much to be desired, to put it mildly!

So, why am I finally getting a satellite receiver? Because of my child! I am desparate to find a way for my 5 year old son to get more exposure to Persian language, especially quality children's programming. And I was told by several parents that children's programing on satellite, especially those coming out of Tehran offer a quality alternative to the flood of commercialized children's programs in regular cable and satellite line-up.

So, I have ordered the international satellite receiver to be installed later this week. I will report in more detail when we have had a few nights with Persian satellite. I am anxious to find out how Xander will respond to it and whether or not it will increase (or decrease) his interest in Persian language!

Which was worse? His pain or ours at seeing him hurt?

2004-11-08T07:01:00.000-08:00

Xander broke his arm last night. He was riding his bicycle (with helmet of course!!) and "forgot to turn". He fell onto the lower palm of his hand and fractured the ulna (I think -- it's one of the two bones between wrist and elbow). A very COMMON occurrence, per the hospital -- of course, common and minor are in the eyes of the beholder.

Ask my husband and he would say it was the WORST injury in the world.

So after sedating Ben (just kidding, although I should have), we went to the emergency room and got Xander a splint. He was more scared of the hospital bracelet and x-ray (new things to him) than he was of the pain in his arm. A little Tylenol Codeine and he was okay.

After we got home, we were waiting on him hand and foot and he says to me "I'm the king, aren't I?" So that meant he was getting better.

Of course, when Ben and I went to check on him at 1:30, he was tossing and turning (tylenol had worn off) and couldn't get comfortable. He tried our bed, then the recliner in the living room, finally settling on the couch. Of course, he wanted me to sleep in the recliner so he wouldn't be alone. He slept fitfully for awhile and then fell off the couch and continued to moan/groan on the floor. After readjusting him and his arm for the 900th time, I decided not to even try to sleep any more. Plus the recliner is not good for the neck!!

Today we are to call an orthopedist and get the cast. When he asked last night how long he had to wear the cast, I told him probably 4 - 6 weeks, even on his birthday. A look of horror crossed his face. "I can't wear this on my birthday!! I can't because then I can't...." (Silly mom expects him to say "can't have fun, can't ride the rides, can't play in the jungle gym" because we're having his party -- hopefully -- at Planet Pizza) but my dear, gracious, sharing, giving, loving son says "then I can't open my presents!!"

I assured him that he would be able to open his presents and that seemed to calm him down. At least I know only his arm was hurt, not his spirit (or love of presents!)!

We are blessed to have a healthy son, even though he's got a bum arm for now. Things like this put life in perspective.

Ben and I got a great laugh as we sat in the emergency room at 5:30 last night -- especially me with my desire to have everything work to a plan. We had our evening and week planned out with all the myriad of activities we were going to do, things we were going to accomplish.

As we sat there with a crying Xander on my lap, Ben reminded me of a Yiddish proverb I have posted in my bedroom. '' Want to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans!" It was amazing how unimportant all those plans became in the face of Xander's pain.

Creative sneakiness

2004-09-15T08:20:00.000-07:00

This morning on the way to work, I got to drop Xander at daycare. I offered that if I could "sneak" out of work this afternoon, I'd pick him up early.

He said he had a GREAT idea!

I should sew a doll that looks like me and put it in my desk so that when people walked by, they saw "me" sitting there. And then I could sneak out of work and come pick him up.

This led to a silly discussion of all the uses for dolls that looked like us. He could use one to pretend that he was sleeping in his bed. I could put one at Granny's house so she could have lunch with me everyday.

And of course, Dad, Xander and I could all send our dolls to work or school and then sneak away for a whole day of fun.

Then he asked me if I could teach him to sew...."no, not just to sew a doll that looks like me....I promise!"

We had better keep a close eye on this guy....when he's older and is not allowed to go to a party or something, we better doublecheck that it's really HIM in his bed and not a doll that looks like him!

From the mouths of babes

2004-09-15T06:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was asking Xander how his day at school was. Many of his current classmates have "graduated" so I make it a point to ask about new kids.

He told me there was a new girl in his class and "Guess what she did, mom, she....."

I was expecting him to say that she hit him or broke something or had red hair or something like that. Not hardly...

"...she showed her boobs!"

I was shocked. Not at the thought of a 4 year old girl taking off her shirt at school but at the fact that my 4 3/4 year old son knew that particular phrase and terminology for body parts!!

Of course, daddy dearest had to repeat the question and get the response (again!) on video.

Not real sure of what happened to the young perpetrator after that. Xander said she had to go to the office and wait all day for her parents to come.

He is growing up toooooo fast!

On challenges of a multi-lingual family!

2004-09-08T18:25:00.000-07:00

Speaking of sassy, here's a fine little story. Yesterday morning when I was dropping Xander off at his daycare (کودکستان), while walking from the car to the front entrance of his school I asked him something in Persian (Farsi). He quickly snapped back at me "Don't speak to me in that language!"

I was honestly hurt a little but also stretched it some and let my lower lip protrude a bit, turning my head away from him, I pretended to be hiding some tears! He slowed down and fell behind, as if contemplating what he had done and asked a couple of times if I was sad. I answered "No, I'm okay", sounding like the stereotypical Jewish mother from Brooklyn (Ooooh, don't worry about me. I'm just your mother!)

After a few more steps, he picked up his pace and caught up with me, hugging my legs from behind and apologizing "I'm sorry Daddy. You can talk Farsi to me if you want to!" I kissed him good bye and we parted.

At the end of the day when I picked him up from daycare, driving down the highway, I brought up the subject and explained how knowing other languages was a special gift and Persian could be a secret code for us to use when we don't want others around us to understand what we're saying.

After thinking a few seconds, he proclaimed "Dad!"
I replied "What is it baby boy?"

"What does daste shoma dard nakone mean?"
Pleasantly surprised, I answered curiously "It kind of means thank you."

The he drops the one that melts my heart instantly "Daddy, daste shoma dard nakone for picking me up from school today!"

Does this kid have me wrapped around his finger or what?

Sassiness not allowed!

2004-09-08T11:38:00.000-07:00

The rule in our house is that no matter what the situation one can not be "sassy" (زبون دراز) or talk back in a sassy tone of voice! If someone is caught being sassy, the initial fine is a quarter (25 cent coin) in the "jar". So, from time to time we hear someone yell "quarter in a jar"!

And guess who has been penalized with "quarter in a jar" verdicts more than anyone else in our household recentl? None other than Alexander Ali Bagheri, the king of Sass and all other cute vices a 4 and a half year old can master!

Who looks like Farsi?

2004-08-15T20:47:00.000-07:00

It continues to be a wild time in our household. The other day Xander told me that I look like "farsi" but only speak English and that my sister-in-law doesn't look "farsi" but speaks Farsi. It's amazing what goes through the mind of a 4 1/2 year old.....
My freckles and pale skin look Persian but my sister-in-law's dark eyes and raven black hair doesn't?

He's always coming up with something new, which is part of the wonder of childhood.
He's now into the colour of skin. I am "vanilla", and he and my husband are "vanilla and chocolate" versus the little girl in his class who is "chocolate". While we talk about the fact that the colour of our skin doesn't matter, it's interesting how he perceives the differences.

Posted by Susan

I want to be a Mad Scientist!

2004-08-13T08:58:00.000-07:00

Xander's daycare is across the road from my office. So, every morning I drop him off at his "school" before going to work. The morning drive is a great time that we have together, and a good chance to talk, about everything and anything.

This morning he says "Dad!",
I look at him in my rear view mirror, "What sweetie?"
"When I grow up, I want to be a scientist."

Going into a momentary parental dream sequence, I respond, "you can be anything you want to be, son! You can be a scientist, a doctor, a lawyer - payscale and layoff possibilities in mind, of course, I don't mention engineer as an option!"

He adds, "Do you know why I want to be a scientist dad?"
"Why do you want to be a scientist?"
"Because, I want to create the biggest robot monster!"
Oh my, how do I answer this one! "Then people will call you a Mad Scientist!"
He thinks for a few seconds and responds, "Dad, didn't you say I could be anything I want to be?"
"Yes dear, anything!"

"Dad" he says, "I want to be a Mad Scientist!"

Persian Dad and Texan Mom, partners in crime!

2004-08-11T10:59:00.000-07:00

Raising a child is hard work, no matter where you live and what your background is. But trying to maintain a cultural balance, language preference and possibly religious issues and you have a grand challenge. My name is Ben but my parents named me Bahman, which means avelanche! It must have been hard labor for my Mom (LOL)! Susan, my wife, is a born and raised Texas girl.

We are the proud parents of a 4 and half year old wild child named Alexander Ali; we call him Xander! He is our pride and joy. He continues to teach us about the world around us and about the things that are and ought to be important!

Susan and I will use this online bulletin to share our thoughts, realizations and challenges, hoping to prompt feedback and comments from our readers. We think a healthy and constructive dialogue will help us all be better parents and raise better citizens for our world!